ARCHIVES: Not being Manny

This pre-Franorama World post is from my MySpace blog May 8, 2009, 10:08 a.m. PDT:

The electronic air is thick with people weighing on the Manny Ramirez suspension yesterday.

(If you’re not a sports fan: One of baseball’s most feared sluggers and oversized personalities, Dodger left fielder Manny Ramirez — the overgrown kid with the long dreads, petulant behavior and pine tar all over his helmet — was suspended 50 games by Major League Baseball yesterday for using a banned substance. In this case, it was a woman’s fertility drug. Yes, you read right — not saying it was used this way, but it can be used to jump start the production of testosterone after going through a cycle of steroid use.)

Anyway, every sports pundit in America seems to be weighing in, and I woke up to this. This is the topper of Scott Ostler’s column in this morning’s San Francisco Chronicle:

“Manny Ramirez flunked a drug test because of meds he got from a Florida doctor. Ramirez isn’t providing any more info, so we’re all free to speculate on the nature of his “personal health issue.”

I’m going to go ahead and rule out dandruff.

From what drug experts say about HCG, the banned drug Ramirez used, there’s a good chance Manny used the stuff to boost his flagging testosterone production and head off embarrassing side effects. So it wasn’t Manny being Manny, it was Manny not wanting to be Franny.

That’s OK — I wouldn’t want to be Manny, either. And what’s wrong with being Franny, anyway (except not having a job)? And if Ostler only knew …

(If you’re not a sports fan: One of baseball’s most feared sluggers and oversized personalities, Dodger left fielder Manny Ramirez — the overgrown kid with the long dreads, petulant behavior and pine tar all over his helmet — was suspended 50 games by Major League Baseball yesterday for using a banned substance. In this case, it was a woman’s fertility drug. Yes, you read right — not saying it was used this way, but it can be used to jump start the production of testosterone after going through a cycle of steroid use.)

Anyway, every sports pundit in America seems to be weighing in, and I woke up to this. This is the topper of Scott Ostler’s column in this morning’s San Francisco Chronicle:

Manny Ramirez flunked a drug test because of meds he got from a Florida doctor. Ramirez isn’t providing any more info, so we’re all free to speculate on the nature of his “personal health issue.”


I’m going to go ahead and rule out dandruff.


From what drug experts say about HCG, the banned drug Ramirez used, there’s a good chance Manny used the stuff to boost his flagging testosterone production and head off embarrassing side effects. So it wasn’t Manny being Manny, it was Manny not wanting to be Franny.


That’s OK — I wouldn’t want to be Manny, either. And what’s wrong with being Franny, anyway (except not having a job)? And if Ostler only knew …

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